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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24089017">I hate your stupid face, Tsukki</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_dad_lol/pseuds/not_dad_lol'>not_dad_lol</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AHAH WHY IS CRYING A TAG, Confessions, Crying, Kisses, M/M, Minor Oisuga, Misunderstanding, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Vomiting, Yamaguchi copes with gardening, childhood bestfriends, hinata with braces, idk this is my first work, sad yamaguchi, tsukki is bad at feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:20:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,067</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24089017</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_dad_lol/pseuds/not_dad_lol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamaguchi gets blasted one night and ends up talking to Suga about his feelings (for Tsukki) over a sleepover spill sesh.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sugawara Koushi/ Oikawa Turoo, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>65</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Tadashi? Hey, are you awake? Wake up.” <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>The first feeling was the crushing against his head and piercing through his temple. It was pounding against his whole being, in rhythm with his heartbeat. Yamaguchi tried calming his heart down but the more he concentrated, the more it hurt. Eyes felt like they’d never open again and his jaw was biting down with every pulse he felt. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Hello? Dude, just open your eyes, calm down it’s just me.”</p><p> </p><p>The voice sounded familiar but not like someone he wanted to see him look so messy. He felt a little sick but being vulnerable in front of people was never something preferable. Yamaguchi shot his eyes open and immediately regretted it, the room he was in was way too bright. His eyes felt like they were bleeding and he shut them again. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Alright Suga-san I have somewhere to be, I’ll leave him here.” The voice was deep and echoed through his empty head. Was it,, <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>Kageyama? </em>
</p><p>
  <em><br/>
KAGEYAMA??</em>
</p><p> </p><p>”HOLY SHIT”, he was conscious, holding his head as his body sprang forward and up, eyes still closed. Opening his eyes slowly, vision starting to unblur as he looked around and realized he was in someone’s house. Not his house, <em>definitely not his house. </em>There was pictures on the wall next to the couch, or maybe it was a futon? The frames were too far away to see who was in the pictures but the people in them looked to be kissing. There were conspiracy books on the coffee table and mini figurines along shelves, the blanket he was being covered in had little weird things on it. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Tadashi? Do you want soup or like water or something? You passed out awhile ago. Actually, I gotta go.” Kageyama looked down at his watch, one that Yamaguchi himself had bought as a gift for his co-captain. He was impressed that the man in front of him even knew how to put it on and take it off everyday. Yeah, he had worn it everyday since it’d been gifted to him. It was a little humbling, and Yamaguchi felt a smile creep across his face. He still couldn’t see for shit though. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, just go Tobio-chan, we can take care of Freckles-kun, don’t worry!” <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Gross. Alright,” Kageyama turned to look at Yamaguchi, their eyes catching each other as if they were in an official match. “I’ll call you in the morning, ‘Kay? Hinata is waiting for me. Don’t let that asshole poison you.” He pointed over Yamaguchi’s head, someone behind him gasped in a hurt tone. It was fake and playful. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“I would never! Who do you take me as? A witch? I’m a man of science.” Oikawa looked down at the freckled faced individual laying on his couch. Indeed, a man of science he was, but Harry Potter was cool too. Witches and Wizards didn’t really bother him the way religion did, and even that wasn’t by much. Oikawa knew that Kageyama liked witchcraft so teasing the duality of its reality was part of their routine. <em>“Tsukki does that too,,,” </em>Yamaguchi felt his cheeks heat at the thought of his friend. </p><p><br/>
“oh my god,” Yamaguchi finally spoke up, “Tsukki...” He wanted to die. Memories of what had happened early were coming back to him. Nausea mixed around his stomach, questioning every life decision he’d ever made. The party in his organ was disturbing and loud and bothersome. He didn’t feel like splurging over Suga’s carpet but he felt the rushing waves of vomit circling up to his throat. Head spinning and legs working before he registered where the nearest toliet was. It was coming and Yamaguchi couldn’t remember what the last meal he had was. He could hear Oikawa asking if he was alright but ultimately blocked the brunette out of his thoughts. </p><p> </p><p>”in and out Tadashi, just like we practiced. You’ll be okay man let it all out, everything. The good and the bad.” His co-captain was patting his back and holding his hair back for him while Suga brought him water and sea salt to calm the shivering. The emptying of his stomach hurt like hell, burning his insides and pushing the headache over the edge. Tears were streaming hot and heavy down his face. Cheeks flushed as he pressed his forehead on the toliet lid. It was gross but Tadashi felt comfortable in his misery.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Then, calm. It was all calm after. Like the peace after the storm, how the world sits quiet after it rains and the only noise are the birds living again. Yamaguchi missed the smell of the earth after a rain shower, it was musky and wet like a foreign perfume. He remembered telling Tsukishma how much he liked the way the trees smelled after a storm the first time they went camping. Their supplies were drenched and they had to return early, nonetheless it was a nice memory in Tadashi’s heart. Tsukki held his hand as they drove back from the camp grounds. It was slightly bigger than his, calloused and rough and warm, it heated his cold freckled fingers. That was also the first time they talked about their futures together, Kei wanted to go to university in the city and Tadashi wanted a gardening shop in the outskirts of Tokyo, helping people raise domestic bonsai trees or baby strawberries and make koi fish ponds. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Suga poked him out of his fantasy. “Water? You want to wash your mouth out?” The taste was vile in his mouth, the icky feeling begging to be washed out. His head pounded less and less as he looked at himself in the mirror. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>A mess of long hair and sunkissed freckles looked back at Yamaguchi. The cool water felt nice on his flushed cheeks and Kageyama pressed his hand against Tadashi’s open forehead.</p><p> </p><p>”He has a fucking fever. Did we drink that much?” The question more to himself, Kageyama left him in the bathroom to stare at his reflection. Honestly, it was kinda hot. The messy look, the flushed face, puffy eyes and sticky eyelashes fluttering to himself. Can you find yourself attractive, was that even a thing? Maybe Tsukki knew he was hot when he looked in the mirror. The way his mouth naturally pouted or how his nose was straight and perfect or how his eyes were slanted when he looked forward. Yamaguchi couldn’t help but  think of the way those amber orbs burned into his skin. It felt so pleasing to have someone look at him like it burned, like their skin was boiling too. He wondered if Tsukki would ever look at him like that again. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Yamaguchi, do you want to come sit down? Kageyama had to go, but you could come talk to us.” It was Sugawara speaking, his voice recognizable from miles away. It was pleasant and calming, the sound of it alone steadied his heartbeat. He didn’t really want to talk about why he had been drinking so much or what had pushed him over the edge to the complete mess he was now. Even with all that, he knew Suga-san wasn’t going to let him leave without explanation. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>He tried calling out to the couple in the living room but decided against it. His throat was on fire and he was scared it would scratch the inside to yell. Tadashi walked over after making sure his mouth was clean. The lights were dimmer now, coming from a lamp in the corner by the TV and the kitchen island. Suga was boiling up some salt water and Oikawa was folding his weird blanket, converting the futon to a couch and sitting down on it, before turning it back into a bed. Yamaguchi stood awkwardly in the hall by the kitchen. This wasn’t his house, he couldn’t just walk around however he wanted. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“You literally just vomited in my bathroom, make yourself at home Yamaguchi.” Suga was relentless in making his friend feel better, but it was embarrassing for Tadashi. He had just slept in his apartment and threw up in the same time frame. He’d only been here once before in his second year of high school when Suga and Oikawa moved in together and he had been asked to help them move in. That’s when their relationship became stronger because they broke the shower while moving a new curtain in. He slept over  that time too, but on the floor.</p><p> </p><p>”It’s because of Glasses right? That’s why you were wasted on my couch when I arrived. You can tell us, it’s okay Freckles.” Oikawa gaze burned in a different way from Tsukki’s. It wasn’t hot or even welcoming, it was intimidating. Yamaguchi walked over to their armchair and looked for his phone before he sat down. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>12:34 a.m.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>14 new messages from Tsukki</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>4 missed calls from Kageyama</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>3 missed calls from Tsukki</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>2 missed calls from Mom</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, his head hurt again. Since when was confessing so bad and confusing? Maybe god just hated him. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Kissing but like totally platonic</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Holy shit, that’s the worst confession I’ve ever heard.” </p><p>“Shut up Tooru, you confessed after spilling coffee on me!”<br/>————————</p><p>Hey it’s been a few days and I got really sad while listening to love songs so here’s this chapter :)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So,” Suga set down the salt-water and took a seat next to his boyfriend. “You want to tell us what happened?”</p><p> </p><p>”Or we can just keep playing the guessing game?” Oikawa tried to sound intrigued but his face told a different story, tired and heavy from a hard days work. Tadashi felt bad, he had just intruded on their night, not caring about their plans or absence of plans. Maybe he’d just leave. He began to stand up from his spot in the corner, amber eyes analyzing his every move until he made contact with them. </p><p> </p><p>Suga wasn’t just going to let him leave. He sat back down. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Okay, Tadashi, start from the beginning. It probably isn’t even as bad as you think.” There was hope in the voice, hope of not having to cringe tonight. But Yamaguchi couldn’t promise that, not at all. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Uh, okay.” He swallowed the ball in his throat and didn’t know whether he wanted to cry or throw up again. “W-well, we were sitting in his room, packing his stuff up and he tells me he has a date with a girl he met at a grocery store. It didn’t make sense and I asked why but all he said was “why not?”. But the thing is I’m totally in love with him and I’ve been keeping it a secret for years, a-and I guess when he told me I wasn’t thinking because next thing I know, I’m all like “no way Tsukki, I’ve been in love with you since like grade 7.” I kept rambling about how much it would hurt my feelings and that I was tired of waiting for him to pick me. Then I ran out his room and called Tobio to pick me up. I didn’t even wait for him to respond, it was like fight or flight at that point. I didn’t even grab my fucking shoes. We went drinking after Tobio picked me up, I don’t really remember much after that. ”</p><p>He was sweating hard, clammy hands sitting cold on his knees. There was silence for a few seconds till Tadashi finally looked up to see the pair holding in laugher. He didn’t even realize the position he was in, hands covering his ears and eyes squeezed shut. Tears were peaking through them, small and vague but present.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Holy shit, that’s the worst confession I’ve ever heard.”</p><p> </p><p>”Shut up Tooru, you confessed after spilling coffee on me!” <br/>
<br/>
</p><p><em>Oh my god, this is it. The end of my fucking life. </em>Yamaguchi groaned, covering his face in embonad sitting back against the armchair. Maybe if he had put his shoes on earlier, he could’ve made a run for it and left the apartment. After all, Oikawa has a bad knee and Suga doesn’t  have good shock reflex. Had Tobio took his car or Hinata’s, maybe he could run home. Oh, but what if Tsukki was there waiting for him. He didn’t want to go home and confront his mother with a hangover either. Kageyama was probably getting blown off by now so he <em>for sure</em> wasn’t going to head over there. Whenever Suga would stop laughing maybe he would ask to stay over and just not talk for the rest of the night. It wasn’t really that long till morning though, maybe he could-</p><p> </p><p>“Tadashi, it’s not <em>that bad</em>.” Suga had walked over to where he was sitting and wrapped his arms around his broad shoulders. Patting his head, he closed his eyes. Yamaguchi may have been bigger than the man hugging him, but he warmed into the motherly embrace. Everyone knew Suga-san gave the best hugs, they felt toasty and secure. You could smell his shampoo too, like some flowery-honey shit that babies use. Plus, biceps. Volleyball was good for the arms, especially for a setter. Tadashi squeezed them and caught Tooru’s gaze on them too. <em>Why’s he jealous? He gets the most hugs, the best ones too. Is Suga-San the big spoon or little spoon?</em></p><p> </p><p>”So Freckles, what else will you tell us about your lover boy?” Shit, snapped back into his harsh reality. Yamaguchi did like the sound of ‘lover boy’, but Kei had wayyyyyyy too many nicknames at this point. Suga broke into his thoughts with a snort, ”Don’t call him that.” Yeah Bitchkawa don’t call him that. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>But Bitchkawa was right, was this the moment where he spilled all the details of their secretive relationship? Tadashi trusted his elders but what if they thought he was an idiot for confessing. How would he survive a constant downpour on his life. Oh god, why had he even confessed? He was supposed to die with that as a secret... He had planned on kissing Tsukki once, that one time on the bridge after their middle school graduation was good enough for him. Honestly, one kiss was good enough. What else would he ask for, what else did he need. The chance, <em>sliver, </em>that he and Kei would end up together was just a dream to him. Yeah, they held hands and took naps together and bought each other random gifts and had seen the others dick and had kissed more than once but they never talked about it. It was just part of their friendship, like a Best Friend bonus pack. It’s not like they would end up together. It’s not like Kei felt the same. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>And maybe Koushi could read minds because he knew what to say as anxiety  entered Yamaguchi’s head. “Don’t overthink it, kid. You haven’t talked to Tsukki yet, have you? You don’t know his response yet. I’m sure it won’t be too negative.” Suga ended his mini-speech with a smile, a genuine smile. He looked like a mom. It made Oikawa’s heart flutter and he places a hand over his chest. </p><p> </p><p>”Okay,” Tadashi was finally talking again. “What do you want to know?” He didn’t know what he was going to talk about. They had done so many things together, had so many experiences and moments together. He remembered the first time they had gotten into a physical fight as kids, how his knuckles ached and Kei had a black eye.</p><p> </p><p>No, they didn’t fight each other, but instead some mean kids at the park. Yamaguchi was used to the bullying but decided that middle school would be different for him. It all started over some strawberries. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Kei and Akiteru had invited Tadashi to the neighborhood park to play some volleyball. After awhile, they ended up on the swings and a small group of kids had gathered around Tadashi’s feet to hear him talk about planting. A little girl asked where someone should put it to get the most sunlight. “That’s a dumb question.” One of the kids had started to get fed up with the others for not asking better questions. Maybe he thought himself to be better than the rest of them but he had zero reason to respond to the girl like that. She had only asked a reasonable question and the others were obviously taken aback by his outburst. Kei told him to shut up or else they’d make him leave the group. The kid left, and as Yamaguchi had started explaining how he took out the seeds with tweezers, a bigger kid pushed him out of his swing.</p><p> </p><p>It was that prick and 2 other boys, an uneven fight. He couldn’t really remember who threw the first punch but he did remember one of the kids calling him gay for gardening. It still stung him to the day, being gay wasn’t easy for him and he had never heard the word be used negatively against someone. Aki saw them fighting and separated the whole thing. Tadashi actually landed a few blows and one of the kids was on the ground. Kei gave the other kid a nosebleed, but broke his glasses.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>They ran.</p><p> </p><p>He could still remember the feelings of his feet giving out in front of the Tsukishima’s porch. How his face felt sore when he smiled and how his knuckles were beat and red. The wind making his hair stick to his face and how he and Kei laughed till one of them started choking and coughing. Akiteru told their mother, who was very disappointed but changed her mind after Kei told him about the slurs they used against Tadashi. Yamaguchi didn’t really know what they meant at the time, but she would explain to him that he should never let someone call him like that.</p><p> </p><p>Never. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>They didn’t go back to the park for a while after that. Instead, they played volleyball in backyards or even REC centers. That was in the beginning of their middle school careers, and the rest of it only got more intense after that. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“You can tell us why you even fell in love in the first place?” Tooru was yawning, pulling out the blanket that Yamaguchi had been wrapped in before. “Or when you realized it.” The man was charming, Yama could admit, but so <em>judging</em>. He would make funny little remarks off of what people were wearing when they went shopping together. Tadashi remembered asking him for fashion advice and getting a makeover as a response. </p><p> </p><p>“I think,, it all started when we first kissed.” That snapped both of listeners into attention. <em>okay so, maybe not everyone has kissed their best friend. That’s not my fault. Is it really that shocking? </em>“uhh, go on??” yeah, they were definitely paying attention now. Tooru turned, wide eyed, to Koushi and said “first??”.  </p><p>Maybe, it <em>was </em>going to be a long night. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Btw, thanks for the feedback, it’s really nice but I can’t reply to comments for some reason. Thanks for reading :0 omg it’s 5:30 am I have class in the morning.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Big oak trees and Freckle kisses ; song - Hey Lover - Daughters of Eve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>His skin against Kei’s palm, eyes gazing into each others. It made him wonder, were the color of his eyes Kei’s favorite too?</p><p>————<br/>Writings kinda wack because it’s currently a sauna and I’m getting baked alive like my bed was a rice tray. Enjoy :^p oh and I mainly use first names because it makes me feel more comfortable, like the characters are close with each other.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After Tadashi’s confession, Tooru had decided that he was going to have to sleepover. The story was long, like any good love story ought to be. Koushi told him to call his mother and let her know, but Tadashi was an adult now. He didn’t have to do that. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>He did it. “Yes mom, Sugawara from volleyball... No, he’s responsible, made me tea and everything. Yea, Kageyama and I went to do something... I’ll be home tomorrow don’t worry.” She was a chatter but Yamaguchi adored his mother. The lady raised him to be a good boy, respect others but stand up for himself. If it wasn’t for his blessed mother, he probably wouldn’t be alive and well the way he was. Plus, she could cook up a mean omurice. “Goodnight Ma, sleep well. Hmm yes. Haha okay bye-bye.” He hung up and walked out of the bathroom. Bathroom phone calls are always,, nice. They’re were humbling to the soul, atleast to Tadashi. He could remember sitting in his bathtub and calling someone to comfort him, over the years that someone would stay the same. </p><p>When he looked up, the pair had changed clothes from a few minutes ago. Not the obvious type of Pyjamas, but old shirts and sweatpants. Tooru wore a Junji Ito shirt that was surprisingly worn, but it still made him look like a nerd. Tadashi had washed his mouth earlier and drank his salt-water, but Suga still handed him a tooth brush from a packet of new brushes. Hygiene was important to the older man, sleep over mode or not. Tadashi watched as they worked together to take out blankets and pillows, setting the futon to a comfortable level. Maybe they were going to make a fort, or sleep all together on the makeshift bed. Tadashi wasn’t always for making himself so at home, but it was going to be a long ass night. Might as well be comfortable.</p><p>”Suga-san, do you have hot chocolate?” Yamaguchi turned to look at his senpai, but neither of the older guys had realized he was in the room. “You just brushed your teeth?? You want chocolate?” Koushi put his hands on his hips, the gesture truly making him seem parental. <em>This is a team mom moment. Does Suga hide sugary stuff like a diet worried mother? <br/>
<br/>
</em>“It’s in the second cabinet by the fridge. Koushi can’t reach it, that’s why he’s mad.” <em>Oh, it’s the other way around in this house. </em>He went over to open the cabinet, bringing down the packets with ease. In the side of his eye, he could see Suga looking at him, scowl on his face. <em>oh my god, he actually can’t reach it!</em></p><p>”okay okay! I’ll make the chocolate, start talking about your love life.” Yamaguchi could feel the heat rise in his cheeks. He had forgotten why he was there in the first place. It’s wasn’t just a sleepover because they felt like it, there was a reason his stomach was empty. He sat next to Oikawa, who was setting his phone to charge on their little side table. Maybe Tadashi could distract him by asking about their love lives, or asking Tooru whether or not there are rabbits on the moon. </p><p>“hey, do you think there’s rabbits on the moon?” Yama’s voice was barely above a whisper, but the question slapped Oikawa’s face like a sandal. “oh my god, Koushi makes fun of me but there’s definitely something freaky going on up there. I don’t know if it’s rabbits or aliens, but I’m eager to find out about you and Glasses. you should be more worried about that little bunny.” And Tadashi was back on square one. The calling of Tsukishima to a ‘bunny’ was adorable. Kei would be like the Easter Bunny but 500% scarier. With no zipper on his back. <br/>
<br/>
Koushi sat three mugs of steaming chocolate on the coffee table and sat between the boys. Before they could move, he pushed them down and they all layed for a few seconds on the futon, feet hanging off the side. The silence was nice, pleasant and the comfy feel of their apartment started to make itself apparent. The walls were a weird blue, almost green color and their furniture was consistent in color scheme. Beige, white, light brown. It looked like a western suburbs house, something out of HGTV. 

Tadashi closed his eyes, trying to think of where to start telling his story. His mind went blank, instead filled with the thoughts of hot chocolate and aqua pillow cases. The other two next to him started to snuggle into each other, but Suga held onto his arm, letting him know they weren’t sleeping yet.</p><p>Tadashi sighed, loudly. “where should I start...” Koushi turned over to look at him, noticing his face flustered with freckles like a sunburn. “Drink your chocolate before it gets cold.” It was a very comforting phrase, like a way to say that whatever Tadashi was going to say, he understood. They were going to judge him by his feelings, feelings he couldn’t or plainly didn’t know how to control. Yamaguchi sat up and cupped the drink in his palms, warming up his cold fingers. He stared at the hot cup till he was ready to talk. Suga had never seen him so <em>down </em>or even so <em>quiet. </em>It felt almost like a different universe, or maybe his boyfriend was just getting into his head. </p><p>But freckle boy took him out of his trance. “So, one day me and tsukki were walking home. It was in our last year of middle school and he said he didn’t know what to do for his birthday.” Yamaguchi paused to take a sip of his drink, not having opened his eyes since he started talking. He wasn’t even sure if Tooru was still awake but he knew Suga was listening to him. “I asked him ‘well what do you want to do for your birthday’ and I remember expecting a mediocre response. But-“ he opened his eyes and turned to sit crisscross on the futon. “You know what he said to me instead?”</p><p>Koushi couldn’t tell if he was expecting an answer or not but he responded with a little <em>what?</em> in his head before realizing yamaguchi couldn’t hear him. “Mm?” Tooru was up and moving now too, leaving Koushi to be lying on the bed alone. The others were peacefully drinking their hot chocolate while he awaited to what happened next. Yamaguchi looked up, making eye contacting and breaking it just as fast. <br/>
<br/>
Then he let everything spill, roll of his tongue like saliva he didn’t want to be there. Tooru and Koushi just sat, watched, and listened, Tadashi did all the talking. <br/>
<br/>
Tadashi hadn’t been paying too much attention to the conversation, but Kei was nervous out of his mind. When his friend asked him what he wanted for his birthday, the first thing he could think of replying was  <em>you, Tadashi. I want to spend the whole day just with you and no one else. <br/>
<br/>
</em>but he didn’t say any of that. Instead said he wanted to go up to the rice fields and have a picnic with Akiteru and his mother. “Oh, that’s nice Tsukki. Wouldn’t have thought you wanted something so romantic.” Yamaguchi blushed at his own words and before he could say his signature <em>”sorry Tsukki!”, </em>Kei invited him to the birthday picnic. He liked the idea of it being romantic, because then the two of them could ditch his mother and Aki to go alone to the mountain. Alone, as in, <em>just the two of them. </em><br/>
<br/>
On the day they planned to go, Tadashi over dressed. He wore a little button up under a sweater he knew Kei liked and kissed his mother goodbye with a different attitude from usual. It was a cool Sunday morning and the wind was calm, breezy and unforgiving to his hair. He worked so hard on doing it nicely and adding gel to pull it back, but some points were poking out and crunched with dried chemical. Kei laughed when he arrived to his house, pinched Tadashi’s cheeks at how cute he dressed and how his hair wasn’t staying down. <br/>
<br/>
As they made their way up to the rice fields, Aki had played a song they all remembered from their younger days on the car ride. Yamaguchi didn’t know then, but that was one of Kei’s favorite songs. It was in his comfort playlist, his party playlist, his crying playlist, happy playlist, hardcore playlist. The song had so much importance to Tsukki because of that day in the mountains. <br/>
<br/>
“aww, that’s cute. did you guys have the windows down as you went up the mountain? I love the September breeze...” Tooru interrupted for the first time since Tadashi had started talking. It was strange how his voice came out so tired after a yawn. He watched as Oikawa rubbed his eyes and went back to relaxing against Koushi’s shoulders. <em>mm, bíceps.</em></p><p>”yeah actually, i think we did have the windows down.” <em>and Kei was whispering the lyrics to himself in the back seat when he went out to hold my hand. </em><br/>
<br/>
He continued his story. Once they got the spot where Tsukki had wanted, they sat down a blanket and their weaver basket from the car. Aki and their mother had went off to talk to some of the town locals as Kei took his hand and lead him to one of his favorite spots on the little rural town. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>They sat down under a big tree, looking over the rest of the people around them. Kei handed him an earbud and they kept each others company with the music. The farmers under them worked in slow fashion, their age clear in movements and clothes. Tadashi was always fascinated by the working elders. He remembered going on a school trip to learn about the fields, how he rolled up his pants and stepped into the cold water. That’s when his love for planting began and he begged his mother to buy him seeds after the class trip. A year later, he was growing squash and onion chives in his backyard garden, mother so proud she got him a cat. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>They fell asleep, hand in hand under the tree and Yamaguchi awoke to Tsukishima holding his face and visibly thinking about something that made him jumpy. He was about to speak when Kei leaned in and kissed his cheeks, leaving little pecks on his biggest freckles. Tadashi pretended to be asleep until he felt his friend finish, the weight over his chest shifting to the side. He could still feel the light besos feathered over his hot cheeks. He slowly opened his eyes and placed his hands over Kei’s, securing them in place as in to not leave the company of his face. The other stiffened by the little gesture, his own face baking up despite the chill in the wind. Leaves were falling off the tree around them, grass ticking Tadashi’s bare knees and they listened to the world move around them and didn’t move. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Then it was all overwhelming to them, and Tadashi started to tear up. His vision blurred and the tears sprung out and rolled down his face, wetting Kei’s hands. He wasn’t sobbing, the crying wasn’t affecting his actions at all actually. They startled Kei, like they were commanding him to look into Tadashi’s jagged eyes. His skin against Kei’s palms, eyes gazing into each others. It made him wonder, were the color of his eyes Kei’s favorite too? Did Kei know how much he craved the skin ship they were sharing? How much he liked to sit there and just stare at his face? Like they were almost lovers?</p><p>And then it happened, one of the biggest moments in Tadashi (and Kei’s) life. They kissed each other. To each their first kiss, and the first they shared of many. The bliss in their pre-pubescent kiss was unbearable and they pressed into the others face for more. Kei cried along with Tadashi, but he was much sloppier then the boy he held underneath him. Music was blaring into their shared headphones and they giggled when they realized 5 songs had passed since they started kissing. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>The world was peaceful for a moment as they layed in the grass together. Tadashi’s face was wet from big smooches and little kisses. Kei smiled at their intertwined fingers, wondering if anyone was looking for them or if his mother knew to leave the two boys alone. It was just the way he wanted to spend his 15th birthday, making out with his best friend under a tree. He’d probably never admit it but nothing felt more at home then being in Yamaguchi’s arms, fingers in his blonde hair and opposite hand holding Kei’s. Before he went back to sleep, Yamaguchi called him <em>Kei </em>and planted a tiny kiss on his temple.</p><p>It felt like his own private paradise.</p><p>”oh my god, Tadashi, you’re whipped.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>AHHH 200+ hits thank you!! I hope you enjoy :) i don’t think my writing deserves that really but thank you, hope you liked this chapter ! Oh, and please leave comments, i love reading them. (or atleast the ones of gotten)<br/>edit : omg I need to proof read this why was there so many spelling errors :/</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Flashbacks hit harder than a baseball bat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“God whats with you two today.” </p><p>This time it was Tobio speaking, Hitoka looked over cautiously in a don’t type of way. Kageyama ignored her and continued. </p><p>“You know, it’s hard having to deal with you and Oikawa in one day.” That peaked Kei’s interest. What was this talk about the grand king?</p><p>—————————————<br/>I think I need to add a trigger warning? references an abusive relationship and there’s a part about an anxiety attack ?? And apologies for not updating for a little over a week, school is truly the vain of my existence. oh and lastly, it’s not proofread, I’ll edit it between the next few days, hope you can enjoy</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kei looked up and saw Yachi sleeping peacefully, hands propped over his hair. Her fingers were slender and cold, she had been comforting him to sleep in her lap. A clock glimmered on the wall, foggy seeming as best because Kei couldn’t find his glasses. The blue and green digits glowed a strange hue, making the room seem like a weird haunted city bathroom. Honestly, who buys electric clocks as room decoration.</p><p>“Tsukishima?” Yachi stirred in her sleep, rubbing her eyes with balled up hands, palms still warm from her being in the blonde boy’s hair. Kei felt bad for waking her, she looked exhausted. There were bags under her eyes from late nights with college applications and the part-job she got at Sakanoshita Store. Out of the five 3rd years in the volleyball club, Hitoka was definitely the most hard working. Then he saw a blur of orange hair and instinctively rolled his eyes.</p><p>Hinata sat on the floor by his bed, Yachi’s other hand running through his hair, still sleeping. He couldn’t really see, it was just blurry colors and light. Where were his glasses? Feeling around to find them, he found something else. His phone. Right. He had called Yamaguchi over and over and over again. Fuzzy vision began to fade again and heat rise in his cheeks, feeling hotter than the sun with sweaty dripping down his neck.</p><p>Since when couldn’t he simply talk about the way he felt? Forever maybe? Or just a while ago? Maybe he had always been like this. Blank faced, expressionless, cold-hearted, alone. So utterly alone. He felt the tears stream down his face before he could stop them and slapped his hands on his wet cheeks. Tired of crying and feeling this way, desperate and pathetic and quiet and “No, Tsukki, you’re not alone.”</p><p>Yamaguchi’s words hit him deep inside like a truck speeding on a highway, his body almost being pushed off too.</p><p>Freckles face was always there when he felt like a mess, but as of recently there had been some tension between the two of them. Admittedly, Kei was the one to blame for the gap in their relationship.</p><p>Cool fingers scratched his scalp, asking for attention. The fingers passed him his glasses and he took that as a chance to reconcile himself.</p><p>By the time he looked up Yachi had fixed her position on his bed. She slouched over one of his pillow, feet hanging of the edge, careful not to wake Hinata. They sat and looked at each other as she pet shrimpy’s hair. Tsukishima’s tears didn’t stop, they accelerated in speed and he was soon shaking into his own puddle while Hitoka whispered for him to “let it all out. it’ll feel better in the end. there you go Tsukki, just breathe, don’t forget to breathe.”</p><p>His head pounded like an indie song with a strong beginning. Crazy how a few hours ago he was so confident in telling Tadashi to marry him and run away to Europe where they would start a new life as Sheep Farmers or some shit he would like. </p><p>They could’ve owned a big white barn and lived on the trenches of world war 1, waking up at 5 am to milk their goats or cows. 5 am sounded like a pain in the ass but they would’ve been waking up together, next to eachother in the same spot were they had fallen asleep, together is all I ever wanted. But Kei was a coward, fucking king of pathetic losers who couldn’t straight up tell someone that he wanted to kiss every freckle on his body, on his face and hands and knees and in places where other people couldn’t see. Foolish to think Tadashi would only be his forever, even if he didn’t make a move.</p><p>Kei’s blood started boiling as he remembered what had happened a few months into their third year of high school. A boy, tall and handsome, charismatic had swept Yamaguchi off his feet by confessing to him on hot October afternoon. The guy had waited for him all practice long and even helped to clean in hopes of getting to chat sooner. He was in Kei’s science class, probably a straight A student.</p><p>After his confession, he walked Yamaguchi home instead of walking with Kei. Jealous and petty, they didn’t walk together the rest of the week. Deep down, he knew this was going to put a wall between their friendship but he didn’t want to accept it. He didnt accept it. Not til Yamaguchi told him that he’d ask to he his boyfriend, told him how he had said “yes”.</p><p>He’d never sit comfortably in a science class again, staring at the clock and ignoring the stares from Tadashi’s boyfriend. Tadashi’s boyfriend. How unflavorful, he wanted that title. To be careless with him in public and run his fingers through Yamaguchi’s hair. Buy him flowers and snacks before school and walk to stores together over the weekend. Be the first to text him when something excited happened or kiss him after winning a match or hold his hand under the table at lunch. No. He got to do it instead, and all because Kei didn’t have enough courage to confess before Graduation.</p><p>He planned time and time again to tell Tadashi that he wanted to hold his hand in public, but he never did. Always getting out of it or just changing the subject in the end. Sometimes he’d lie in bed and wonder why he had to do it. Couldn’t yamaguchi just do it? Then they’d be able to live happily and get over their dumb teenage stump of “is this too comfortable or are all best friends like this?”. The ceiling knew his plan better than anyone else.</p><p>Tadashi had a boyfriend up until March, where Kei had teased ruthlessly over not getting a goodnight text. In reality, Yamaguchi had a right to be worried. But he kept it together, for the team. Being Captain made him push back feelings of his own relationship to project security and support towards his team. He wasn’t like Daichi or even Ennoshita but he had what a took to be their number 1, Kei just wished it didn’t come to such a cost. They walked home together that day. It was like the good old days, quietly moving next to each other till he said “What’s with your jerk boyfriend. You never want to walk with me anymore.” That was all it took for Tadashi to start, his breaking point.</p><p>Kei could remember the way his face changed as Yamaguchi stopped walking to inhale sharply, it almost sounded painful. “I never want to walk with you? Me? Yes, Tsukki, I always leave first, without caring whether or not you’re okay or being left to walk alone at the gym. I’m so sorry for inconveniencing you, that you had to walk home alone.” They were going to fight in the middle of the street, two 17 year old boys walking in the chilly spring air at 6 pm.</p><p>He hadn’t meant to hit a nerve, he really didn’t want to fight with his best friend. Especially not after receiving his crucial spikes and shit. They were tired, all Kei wanted to do was go home and lay in bed miserably. That wasn’t what he was going to do. “What the hell are you talking about. You have an ever so sweet boyfriend to walk you home.” Tadashi flinched at the word ‘boyfriend’ and Kei ignored how his fist balled up. What was he going to do? Punch him?</p><p>“Besides, you told me it was okay to head home without you! You don’t need me around all the time Yamaguchi. You’re not a child. You make your own decisions, don’t blame them on me.” Kei was going to say more but Tadashi started crying. It was so sudden that it shocked the words from coming out of his mouth. “I hate you. I fucking hate when you get like this. You don’t even listen to me! Have you ever thought about why I tell you to go home earlier? Why I make sure you’ve eaten or that you’ll be at practice the next day? No, you don’t, because you’re a selfish fucking prick Tsukishima. You don’t care about anyone but yourself.”</p><p>Tadashi was stabbing his finger to Kei’s chest , who was just standing there, watching the mess manifest on its own. “Sometimes I don’t walk with my ever so loving and sweet boyfriend. Sometimes I hope that you’re there instead, and that I can tell you how he was inconsiderate or about how his friends looked at me or even anything! Just anything! We don’t talk? You don’t listen, there’s a big fucking difference. We broke up, you’d known if you’d payed attention. I look at him and I can see you, your face. I hate your stupid face, Tsukki.”</p><p>Like always, Kei wasn’t really listening because all he could hear was his heart beat. It was speeding up in his ears, the blood rising up and making them blistering hot to the touch. Midway through Tadashi’s blabbering he realized how Kei was covering his ears and how tears rolled down his closed eyes. He couldn’t breathe, or rather he was holding in his breath as he crouched down.</p><p>
  <em>He hates me? Tadashi hates me? God this is all my fault. Why is this happening couldnt this have happened any other time oh god you did this to yourself Kei he was your best friend now he hates your guts and your face he broke up with his boyfriend because of you no no no stop I can’t feel my knees just breathe why can’t I even breathe it’s not that hard in and out it’s not that fucking hard idiot but air you need air put it in your lungs open your mouth we’re going to fall you need to relax I need to relax I can’t stand holy fuck fuck fuck it hurts stop crying stop crying shut up shut up shut moron shut up </em>
</p><p>“sh-shut up.” He was hiccuping, gasping for air and rubbing his face. Eyes weren’t open yet but he knew he just knew that Tadashi was staring at him with big open eyes. Crying he was crying, why was he crying.“shut up yamaguchi. shut up please.”</p><p> </p><p>“Tsukki, open your eyes.” Yamaguchi was there waiting for him to stop. After the waterworks it was so hard to just stop. The smaller boy crouched down and patted the blondes back. They were fighting, in the middle of fighting and he had started crying harder than the person actually hurt. Tadashi didnt talk as he comforted Kei, taking out a water bottle and running it over his flushed face. He remembered how that would calm him down as a child, running water over his head. Carefully picking up his glasses, Tadashi flipped the whole bottle over Kei head. Like a spell, he started breathing again.</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry. I’m sorry Tsukki I didn’t mean it. I don’t hate you.” He held Kei in his arms as they sat on the curb, petting his hair and saving his glasses in his volleyball club jacket. “I just got really frustrated. You didn’t deserve that. I’m so sorry Kei, please I just miss talking to you. Fuck I miss you so much.” Yamaguchi started crying into Kei’s hair. No one bothered them, possibly even noticed them. Not a car had passed since they’d started their fiasco. Good. That would’ve been super fucking embarrassing.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yachi’s fingers left his head and Hinata was awake by the time he came back to the present. That memory hurt the most, it was only a few months ago but nothing had ever hurt him the way Tadashi’s words did. Not even breaking his fingers in that one game was close to how he felt sobbing on that curbside. Absolutely distraught. He started blankly at the wall across from him, tears still rolling down his cheeks. Not even moving when Shoyo re-entered the room with a glass of water and sat down next to his limp body. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, saltyshima, Kags wants to know whether you want strawberry or chocolate? Are you up for eating bud?” He didn’t reply, just held his finger up to say 1. The first, he wanted strawberry. It didn’t even bother him how Hinata called him ‘bud’ and ‘saltyshima’ at the same time. Bud wasn’t as bad as the other but it sounded like a dog. Wasn’t that the dog from Toy Story?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Before he even got up again, Kageyama entered the room with both a convenience store bag, strawberry and chocolate flavored ice cream inside. Yachi enteres with bowls and spoons, holding them very properly, probably given to her by Kei’s mother. “is,” his voice was hoarse and dry. “is my mom awake? can you tell her to go to bed. please.” His tone was much more weak then he intended it to be, he averted eye contact from his friends when they looked at his face. Shoyo left to do what he asked for. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“God whats with you two today.” <br/></span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">This time it was Tobio speaking, Hitoka looked over cautiously in a </span> <em><span class="s2">don’t </span></em> <span class="s1">type of way. Kageyama ignored her and continued. “You know, it’s hard having to deal with you and Oikawa in one day.” That peaked Kei’s interest. What was this talk about the grand king?</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“You saw Oikawa today? Why?” Hinata visibly cringed at the thought of his boyfriend’s senior. No, they didn’t exactly hate Tooru, they just liked acting like he was a grand </span> <span class="s2"><em>pain</em>. </span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s2"><br/></span> <span class="s1">“hmm yeah, went to say hi to Suga-San and he was arriving home. Sat me down to talk, even called me Tobio-chan.” He quietly ended his sentence with “</span> <span class="s2">what does Sugawara see in him</span> <span class="s1">”. The four of them agreed to the statement and began eating, the coolness feeling nice in Kei’s sore throat. He wanted to ask Kageyama more about Oikawa and Suga and what he was doing in their apartment but then he started talking again. </span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Tadashi is okay. he wanted you to know he was.” That wasn’t at all what Kei was expecting. He put his spoon down gently, stared at the melting pink goo on his lap. The bowl was cold, too cold. His fingers started beating along with his heart. A little </span> <span class="s2">“what” </span> <span class="s1">was all that could be heard from the scared blonde boy. Tobio forced eye contact in, and for the first time Kei looked at him openly. He’d never looked into Tobio’s eyes before, even less realize their beauty.  Blue like the ocean, probably harsher than waves. Looking deep in there won’t show you anything unless he’d wanted you to see. “I said he’s okay. He’s with Suga-San right now.” Tobio was the own to break eye contact, looking towards the wall clock clicking peacefully amongst the heavy air. </span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“oh, uhm okay. thank you tobio.” They didn’t look at eachother, simply went back to eating their warming up ice glob. “course.” was the only response Kei got. Hitoka and Shoyo watched in horror, the two boys- no, the two </span> <em><span class="s2">men</span></em> <span class="s1">that had never gotten along just confided that someone they cared about was okay. Tsukki had even said </span> <span class="s2">thank you </span> <span class="s1">and after that he called Kageyama by his name. </span> <span class="s2">Tobio, </span> <span class="s1">he said </span> <span class="s2"><em>thank you tobio</em>. </span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s2">“</span> <span class="s1">Well, ah, lets go to sleep? Are you tired Kei?” Yachi broke in over the silence. In all honesty, Kei didn’t want to sleep alone but he knew the person he wanted there was busy taking care of himself. Or atleast that’s what he hoped was going on. He sat his dish down on his night stand and started undoing his sheets. When he turned to see them staring up at him he realized, they were staying with him. Kei tried hiding his smile, but the blush on his cheeks let them know he was very appreciative. “There’s a futon in my closet, and another one in the closet in the hall.” Yachi could sleep on the other half of his bed, he didn’t mind someone being there next to him. It felt better than being left alone. </span></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ahh a Tsukki chapter :D, the conclusion will be coming soon and once again sorry for the wait. Thank you for reading please leave me comments ty &lt;3</p><p>edit : I need grammarly or some shit</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. rewriting??</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hello my good people, </p><p> </p><p>So this fic is quite old and ALSO, I don’t like it anymore :D yayyyyy. I’m going to rewrite it and probably fix a lot of things I don’t like over the next few weeks. That’s it’s really, I’m sorry for not updating I was unhappy. Thanks to my dear friend for telling me that I’d would be worth it because, idk, she’s probably right.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ahh hope it wasn’t too bad :p I’ll probably update it soon but it’s really weird not typing in all lowercase. idk how many chapters there will be but I’m planning on maybe 5? or less. thank you for reading</p></blockquote></div></div>
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